How Can We Be More Graceful?
Someone asked me the other day “How can I be more conscious about my gestures and facial expression? I'd like to be more graceful in everyday life and I need some tips.”
A lovely question, which is actually two. I ventured to respond to the second first, because it kinda begets the response to the first. My thoughts were:
Becoming more graceful
Know that you are valuable intrinsically. Often times, we go into circumstances either seeking validation or guarded for how someone may treat us (worried a negative response would seemingly validate lies we believe about ourselves). Even if you don’t believe you’re valuable, just know it. Trust others around you who tell you that. It is true. Freed from needing things from interactions with people, we’re able to really treat with them wherever their heart’s at. This enables us to not respond reflexively when some topic is broached that we either typically use to feel good about ourself or that sets us off in defensiveness. Thus, knowing who you are, allows you to pay attention deeply to what others are saying. Once you do that, just try to empathize with them, remembering that their brains don’t work the same as yours (nor are their pains/coping mechanisms the same), so try to learn why what they’re saying is important to them. Because in sharing, they’re giving you the gift on information about themselves, regardless of how it’s delivered. And know that they’re valuable too, even if they’re speaking vitriol to you; that’s about them, not you. Remembering all this in concert with one another can free you to respond in kindness, gracefully, as we (I think) all deeply long to do.
Becoming more conscious of gestures and fascial expressions
Given the above, try to empathize in each moment. Focus on what they’re saying/doing and try to meet them there, in that place in time, to try to understand where they’re coming from. No matter what level of peacefulness or hatred they’re saying something, there are reasons. Graciously giving non-verbal cues that you track with what they’re saying and that you can understand where they’re coming from makes the communication much easier. It opens up people to feel safe and to feel what it’s like to be treated with honor—both of which are, sadly, uncommon. This, then, engenders trust, or it can, rather. Because people don’t always respond well even when you treat them well. But regardless, you’re doing your part and I like to think that even when others’ responses are unkind, your care for them positively cuts through to them on a subconscious level.
All that said, each person and circumstance is different. So take this all with a pinch of salt. But I hope that your inherent graciousness and empathy shine through in your interactions.
